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Page last updated 8th October 2007

Only Fools & Horsepower - The Fastest (& Maddest) Shelvey on Water.

This page is about Brian Shelvey who lives in Cliffsend, Kent, UK.
He is mad about "Only Fools & Horses" (a classic British sitcom). Del Boy would be proud of him.




The BBC Story in detail, as told by Brian Shelvey.

Myself and one of my crew decided to take my boat out on the last monday in May. The weather was reasonable & high tide was around 1p.m. We decided to go to Herne Bay, as only two of us were going out. Had it been the weekend we would have launched at my club "The Forness Water Ski Club" at Cliftonville. We got to Herne bay at 12.30p.m, drove down the launch ramp, turned and reversed back to the waters edge. I was a little annoyed as when we launch we usually bring the boat alongside the launch ramp, tie her up & start the engine to warm her up whilst parking the car. But on this occasion, there was an old wooden yacht tied off there with 2 people writing notes. We got out of the car & started to launch. Whilst we were doing this a posh voice called out to us, "I say what a wonderful boat, who's the owner". I replied "I am the owner". He asked if he could introduce himself. I said "feel free", whilst we carried on preparing for the launch. He said he was Glenn Campbell (BBC current affairs producer/director). We said "whooo"? Glenn said they were making a programme about the coastal waterways from Eastbourne to Herne bay, he also said that he'd like to feature my boat in the programme. I said yes, we exchanged telephone numbers, we launched, and off we went......



 

It wasn't long before we were experiencing an engine problem, we managed to get back to the launch approach and had to row back. We had seized the engine. The next day Glenn rang me and said that he'd seen we had trouble yesterday, "is everything alright", I said "yes", but that couldn't be further from the truth. Glenn then gave us a date, time, & location for the filming which was 27th July 2004 at 3.30p.m at Ramsgate harbour. After speaking to Glenn I rang Wayne Maddox at Wayne Maddox Marine, Fort Hill Margate. He gets us out of all sorts of boating problems, he answered the phone I said "Wayne its Brian, I need an engine, I've seized my 90h.p. yesterday and we are filming with the BBC, in July". I wanted a second hand replacement, unfortunately Wayne said he couldn't help me. I tried everywhere with no luck. Glenn rang me 7 days before filming he said "everything alright for the 27th July Brian", "yes" I said "no problems". I didn't tell him I didn't have an engine. Then five days from filming Wayne rang me to tell me one of his customers wanted to update his engines on his boats, "there's a 75h.p. V4 and a 135h.p. V6 for sale". Against advise from Wayne I chose the 135 V6. Wayne thought it would be to big and it would probably flip the boat over. I told him not to worry I will put 12 stone of ballast in the front end to keep it down at speed, and I would be careful accelerating. Three days before filming Wayne fitted the engine, next day he tested it in Margate harbour. "Everything was fine" he said "it goes like a rocket be careful". I said to him "he who dares wins". The day before filming my crew Alan Harris and Darren Walker took her to sea for trials. Everything was fine, came back in and washed her down including the Vitara. Glenn wanted the Vitara in the programme because of the registration number, the 3 letters, DTV ( Derrick Trotters Vitara )......



 
 

On the filming day we finished the cleaning and arrived at Ramsgate harbour at 3.15p.m, no one was there. Still thinking this was a wind up, at 3.45p.m my mobile phone rang, "Hi Brian, it's Glenn here, were off Ramsgate in a yacht, progress is slow due to the lack of wind, we should be in Ramsgate within half an hour". He also said when he goes off the phone I'd get another call from a female producer who was looking for us in the harbour. We found her, she said she was supposed to film the yacht coming into Ramsgate from the cliff tops but she couldn't see, the yacht. For the filming Glenn asked me if I knew another boat owner that could take the film crew out for boat to boat filming. I didn't know anyone but Wayne Maddox came to the rescue once again, he put me in touch with Martin Child, he has an 8 metre rib moored at Ramsgate harbour andMartin agreed to do it. I said to the female producer that we had a rib ready to take her out to the yacht to film it coming in. She then rang Glenn & he said that's fine so Martin took her out. Half an hour came & went, about an hour later I saw Martins rib on the horizon heading for Ramsgate. As he came into the harbour I could see he had the complete film crew on board. On landing Paul Ross and the film crew dashed for the pub, leaving Glenn Campbell to talk to us. He came over & apologised for being late, he also said he couldn't believe his luck the day he spotted us. He said he'd been travelling daily to all the ports they were going to in the programme to take notes. And that he was looking for something different, something whacky, and there I was sitting in that yacht in Herne bay making some notes. I stopped to think about something, looked up, and there it was right in front of my eyes. I thought the heaven doors had opened. Your rig was just the sought of thing I was looking for, and I had to wait till the last port of call to find it. He also said when we leave Ramsgate in the boat they were going to play the Only Fools & Horses theme tune......


About 20 mins later, Paul Ross and the crew came back. Whilst the crew were setting up the cameras, Paul came over to talk to us and was trying to wind us up. I said "keep it up Paul", he said "what do you mean by that". I said "whilst you're on dry land you can keep it up, when we put to sea you're in our territory, then we will shut you up like a clam". Paul said "yeah you think so do you". I said "I know so", and we did......


On leaving Ramsgate harbour, there was myself driving, darren by my side, Paul Ross behind me, and one of the camera crew hiding in the back with a camera and microphone. We left Ramsgate harbour and the sea was a little rough. Martins rib came alongside, one of the directors on the rib told me to go up on the plane, then they would come from behind to alongside filming, which we did. It was not long before we were bouncing off the waves. Within the first half mile the film crew member that was hiding in the back threw a wobbly. He screamed out, "stop this f***ing boat, you're f***ing mad, you call this f***ing fun, you're f***ing maniacs". I stopped the boat and looked at Darren, he looked at me and a wry smile passed between us. I looked back "is this a wind up", "no its f***ing not" he said. "I want to get off this f***ing boat now". I looked in front, Martin was trying to wave me on so I waved back with crossed arms. Martin came back and asked if I had broken down. I said "no, he's thrown a wobbly in the back of the boat". With the rib alongside the cameraman repeated all he'd said before. We were all laughing except for him, he then climbed up onto the rib and Glenn Campbell took his place. He came on board laughing at the other fella. I whispered to Darren, "we'll soon wipe the smile off his face",and we did. The rib crew once again asked me to go up on the plane as before. This time as they were passing, they wanted me to blast the air horns, and that they will go across our bows about 30 metres in front. We ploughed straight through the wash at about 40mph, we went up in the air, I was fighting for dear life, we almost turned over a couple of times but we managed to get through it. Glenn tapped me lightly on the back and said, "you know Brian, I'm not related to Donald Campbell". I turned to him and said, "is there a problem Glenn", "yes" he whispered, "I've never been so frightened in all my life". I said to him "don't worry Glenn, we do some crazy things out here, but were not totally stupid". I called out to Paul Ross, "you're quiet in the back there Paul". He said "bollocks, I've never been so frightened in my life too". I was supposed to be taking them from Ramsgate to Minnis bay. Paul said "forget about Minnis Bay, drop us off at Margate, I'm soaking wet and think I've got skid marks in my pants". So we dropped them off in Margate......



Glenn & Paul said they were both very frightened out at sea, but now on dry land they were glad they'd done it.
They then thanked us for the ride and dashed to their hotel.


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